Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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