beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
True strength comes from lack of pants
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
