I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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