i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't put those talents on a resume
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
