I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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