You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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