Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
