well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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