she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
