I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
