My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize