I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
