so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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