a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
