he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
