So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
