RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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