no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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