38 yer olds are good kisserssss
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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