2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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