I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
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Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm at about main and main street
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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