i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
