You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
