this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
