Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
