If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
