i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
