I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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