Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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