question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
