things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
vagina is talking i cant
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
