i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize