The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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