the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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