I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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