i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
