so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you never un-have a 4some
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
