It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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