You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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