rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
