Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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