That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
