I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
