I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize
