break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
