im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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