But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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