i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
