it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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