can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
