Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
