got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
