Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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