Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
