she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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