She's JV to your varsity
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
