I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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