I wannas sexs uuuuu
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
