Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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