had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
