marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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