my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
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Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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