Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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