What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
