hotel room ftw
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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