the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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