Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
