Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
