I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
