mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
