she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
