I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
