I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
