I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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