were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
