there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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