Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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