Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
