walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
