i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
