I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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