What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
